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Ageism
A Common Ground Column
by Loree Cook-Daniels

"I wouldn't say you're old. But if you were a lizard, you'd be a belt by now."

Even if you laughed at this birthday card's sentiments -- perhaps especially if you laughed -- this card threatens your mental health.

Old Lesbians Organizing for Change (OLOC) has collected dozens of birthday cards labeling people as young as twenty-something ("Science has proven that at age 25, body cells begin to die more quickly than can be replaced, beginning the long slide to complete physical decay. Happy 25th") relics, castaways, less than full human beings. Strung across the back of the auditorium at this month's "Gays and Lesbians Growing Older: Expanding the Family Portrait" conference (sponsored by Senior Action in a Gay Environment (SAGE) and a very impressive list of straight and gay organizations), the cards were a vivid reminder that ageism is not only an acceptable prejudice in this country, it's considered downright funny.

It's not.

Ageism, like racism, is a collection of negative beliefs about a group of people who are diverse but for one characteristic. Ageism says being young is better than being old. Like sexism, ageism is comprised of stereotypes that limit individuals' personal choices. Ageist stereotypes, for example, encourage elders to cease being sexual for fear of being labeled a dirty old man or a dirty old woman. Like heterosexism, ageism serves to blind us to those outside the vaunted "norm." When you mentally picture a generic Gay man, does he have wrinkles and gray hair? And like homophobia, ageism can be - and is, virtually universally - internalized in ways that poison us from within. Can you imagine _yourself_ with wrinkles and gray hair? (And yes,
that question also applies to old people, many of who hold an internal self-image far younger than what's in the mirror.)

A huge portion of the task the Lesbian and Gay community has undertaken in its 30-odd years of organized existence is identifying and countering -- personally, socially, and politically -- stereotypes about homosexuality. Although the organized anti-ageism movement is nearly that old, too (the Gray Panthers was founded in 1970 and articles and conferences on Lesbian and Gay aging began appearing in the late 1970s), efforts to root out ageism have not gained the momentum or respect gay rights campaigns have.

They need to. And Lesbians and Gay men should be in the forefront of this effort.

Although some Lesbians have created a venerated place for old women (calling them, reverently, "crones" and creating rituals celebrating passage into cronehood), in general the Lesbian and Gay community is _more_ ageist than the heterosexual community. While a substantial percentage of heterosexual politicians are gray-haired, how many leaders of _our_ political organizations are old? While old male news anchors are common, how many of _our_ communities' spokespersons are much past the age of 40? And while old, well-off heterosexual men are viewed as "good catches," how many pejorative nicknames have you heard Gay men use for any Gay man older than, well, themselves? Plus, we condone garden-variety ageism. On April 24th, _The Washington Blade_ published a cartoon entitled "Coming Out to the _much_ older generation" that equates old age with confusion and an inability to keep up with the world.

Why should we care? Because ageism affects all of us. A colleague of mine is currently mourning the loss of a friend to breast cancer. She'd had symptoms, but thought "that's just what happens to aging breasts" and so put off consulting a physician. A conference speaker recounted meeting a Gay man who said that what he liked about having AIDS was not having to face growing
old. These are the dramatic examples of ageism affecting younger people. The more subtle examples are, of course, harder to identify. Is that unhappy middle-aged Gay male couple staying together because they believe their only alternative is a loveless old age? Is that 40-year-old, job-hopping Lesbian ignoring the need to save money because she can't imagine herself old? Is
that brash young queer organization courting failure because it ignored older activists who tried to get involved and tell them that that particular strategy's been tried and proven worthless before?

There are lots of ways to oppose ageism. Begin to really _hear_ and challenge stereotypes about old people. Make sure you don't ignore old people who have bravely ventured into a venue dominated by younger folk. Just as you'd measure your organization's agenda against the needs of diverse racial groups, make sure it addresses elders' needs. Invite OLOC or your local gay retirees' group to your next conference to present a workshop on ageism - or activism! Pay attention to "old people's issues" like Medicare and Social Security. Add to your job opportunities mailing list agencies that cater to older workers. Make your events and publications accessible.
(Even the aging conference organizers blew this one, giving us nametags in a 14-point font -- too small for even middle-aged eyes to see at conversational distances - and choosing a venue where ramps and elevators were well-hidden). Whenever your publications include pictures of people, make sure some are visibly old, to remind everyone old people exist and should be welcome at our events and organizations. Begin talking to people of all ages about how ageism affects them. Read books by and about old Lesbians and Gay men. Donate time and money to organizations serving old Gay men and Lesbians. .

Oh, and don't buy those ageist birthday cards. Prejudice simply isn't funny.

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OLOC can be reached at P.O. Box 980422, Houston, TX 77098. SAGE is at 305 Seventh Avenue, 16th Floor, NYC, 10001; 212/741-2247.

FORGE PO Box 1272 Milwaukee, WI 53201 | phone: 414-278-6031 | email tgwarrior@forge-forward.org
Revised: 03/21/02