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Elder Abuse
A Common Ground Column
by Loree Cook-Daniels

It's hard enough coping with disowning family members at home and gay bashing on the streets. It's harder admitting that some of the most painful abuse and neglect we Gay people suffer is done by "our own": our lovers and friends. What's worst of all is realizing that even growing old will not end our vulnerability to abuse and neglect. In fact, we may be even more vulnerable to life- and health- destroying violence as we age.

Elder abuse as it affects Lesbians, Gay men, Bisexuals, and Transgendered people is just now hitting the radar screen. Last month the National Center on Elder Abuse hosted what may well be the first national workshop on L/G/B/T elder abuse, at the Understanding and Combating Elder Abuse in Minority Populations conference in Long Beach, California. Approximately 60 people
heard four panelists try to piece together what little we know about this difficult subject.

Here's what we do know: elder abuse exists. It's estimated that every year more than one million older Americans are hit, verbally berated, sexually assaulted, financially exploited, or denied necessary care by their loved ones or caregivers. We also know that Lesbians, Gay men, Bisexuals, and Transgendered persons grow old, and are among those who live with such
degradation. What we can only guess -- because no one has yet systematically studied this topic - - is how our sexual orientations and gender identities may make us especially vulnerable to elder mistreatment, and less likely to get the services and assistance we need.

Societal homophobia, obviously, plays a part in the cruelty directed at Gay elders. Workshop attendees heard about a nursing home resident denied baths by staff who didn't want to touch "the Lesbian," and a home care assistant who threatened to out her older Gay male client if he reported her negligent care. Fear of encountering homophobic straight peers or service providers
keeps some frail older Gays from using services designed to keep elders healthfully independent.

Internalized homophobia may play a part in "domestic violence grown old," where self-hating Lesbians and Gay men strike or berate their aging lovers. It almost certainly plays a part in the self-neglect of some isolated elders who refuse to get needed help, having accepted what society has told them for 50 or 60 or 70 years: that because they are "Queers," they are not worthy of
respect and decent treatment.

Transgendered elders are still more vulnerable, since their genitals may not "match" their gender. Understandably, such individuals may avoid even emergency medical care, let alone the frightening prospect of having a caregiver help with bathing. Those who work with L/G/B/T who suffer domestic violence report that even more than Lesbians and Gay men, Transgendered
persons are vulnerable to believing an abusive lover's taunt that "if you leave me, no one else will ever have you."

Unfortunately, service providers' ignorance of the existence of L/G/B/T elders makes it doubly hard for elders who do want help to get respectful and appropriate treatment. Although many of those who work with elders are themselves members of our community, not all of them are willing or able to educate their professional colleagues. Indeed, one workshop panelist's boss
asked her to pay most of her own expenses to the conference and present herself as an independent consultant to avoid associating her employer with the topic. If the professionals serving elders are unwilling to talk with their peers about L/G/B/T aging issues, it's hard to imagine they are sensitively talking to their L/G/B/T clients about the violence and discrimination they may be suffering at home, and how it can be alleviated.

So if homophobia and fear is keeping L/G/B/T elders from asking for help and keeping their service providers too ignorant to offer appropriate help, is there any hope? Of course. Here's what you can do.

If you are yourself an elder, reach out. Isolation is one of the biggest risk factors for elder abuse and neglect. There are formal service providers and informal "retiree" groups specializing in serving older Lesbians and Gay men throughout the country. Several are included in the Blade's periodic listing of local resources. If you live somewhere without such a group and do not feel up to starting one, contact the nearest Metropolitan Community Church or other Gay-friendly religious or social group and see about getting connected. If you cannot easily leave your home, ask if anyone would be interested in "adopting" you for periodic visits and calls. Even connecting
with a mainstream service group such as the local senior center can help remind you that you're worth taking care of.

If you are a professional whose clientele includes older persons, educate yourself about the violence faced by older Lesbians, Gay men, Bisexuals, and Transgendered persons. Then educate your peers. Start considering whether that elder who would rather die than accept help is really trying to protect her closet, and figure out how to preserve her dignity as well as her life.

If you are neither an elder nor someone who serves them, look around your community. We don't just up and die when we turn 50. If gray-haired Lesbians and Gay men aren't visible, that may mean they have isolated themselves at home. Seek out these pioneers and cultivate a friendship. You just may end up saving a life.

FORGE PO Box 1272 Milwaukee, WI 53201 | phone: 414-278-6031 | email tgwarrior@forge-forward.org
Revised: 03/21/02