Connectivity: vol 7, iss 1, Survey Results

It was supposed to be a simple survey asking a relatively simple question: what proportion of the people around you know you (or your partner/family member) are trans? Since we knew people present different sides of themselves in different contexts, we asked about “outness” in several key environments: with partners, at work, with family, at school, with friends, at social clubs, and with acquaintances. We expected few people to answer the survey, and we expected those who did would only spend a few minutes filling it out. We also expected that we would be able to summarize the results fairly easily.

We were wrong on all counts.

First, we want to thank the 160 of you who responded, oftentimes providing long explanations of your decisions, opinions and concerns. Obviously the survey form itself wasn’t as clear as it should’ve been, and forcing people to choose among a finite list of identities was a problem.

More importantly, however, the responses showed that the concept we called “stealth versus out” is far more complex than we initially thought. It involves not only the environments people are in, but whether they (or their partner/family member) are “visibly” trans; whether they define themselves as trans, formerly trans, someone with a birth defect, or in some other way; how they feel about language and its connection to certain groups; and much, much more.

Who Responded

One hundred twenty-six (126) of the 160 survey respondents (79%) were themselves trans. Twenty (12.5%) were partnered with a trans person, 13 (8%) identified themselves as friends, family, or allies of a trans person, and one person did not answer the identity questions.

We asked trans respondents not only whether they were FTM, MTF, or genderqueer, but also what stage of “transition” they were in (if applicable) and how others typically perceived their gender (see Table 1).

TABLE 1

	Socially Perceived Gender
	Male	Female	Depends, uncertain, both	Total
Masculine gendered
In-transition FTM	25	0	8	33
No or low hormones FTM	2	0	7	9
Non-transitioning FTM	1	1	2	4
Post-transition FTM	27	1	0	28
Pre-transition FTM	2	0	8	10
Subtotal:	57	2	25	84
GenderQueer /Questioning
Genderqueer	1	0	10	11
Questioning	0	0	1	1
Subtotal:	1	0	11	12
Feminine gendered
Crossdresser	2	0	0	2
In-transition MTF	3	1	2	6
Non-transitioning MTF	0	0	1	1
Post-transition MTF	0	16	2	18
Pre-transition MTF	0	2	1	3
Subtotal:	5	19	6	30
			Total:	126

Of the 126 trans+ respondents, 84 (67%) were masculinely gendered, 30 (24%) were femininely gendered, and 12 (9%) were genderqueer or questioning. Approximately two-thirds of both the masculine-gendered and feminine-gendered groups “pass” in that observers consistently perceive them as the gender with which they identify. However, two FTMs are typically perceived as female, and five of the MTFs (including two cross-dressers) are typically perceived as male. Twenty-five (30%) of the FTMs are sometimes perceived as something other than male, and six (20%) of the MTFs are sometimes perceived as something other than female. Eleven of the twelve genderqueer or questioning respondents were not consistently perceived as either polar gender.

Of the 20 partners who responded, 18 (90%) were female and 2 (10%) were male, as shown in Table 2. Thirteen of the females (72%) were partnered with FTMs (in-, pre-, post-, non-, and questioning), four (22%) were partnered to MTFs. The other three partners (1 female, 2 male) were partnered to people of unknown gender/trans-status (see Table 2).

TABLE 2

Relationship of Partners
to the Trans Community/person

	Female Partner	Male Partner
Partner of a…
Post-transition FTM	5
In-transition FTM	4
In transition MTF	2
Pre-transition FTM	2
Non-transitioning FTM	1
Pre-transition MTF	1
Quesitoning FTM	1
Non-transitioning MTF	1
Unspecified	1	2
	18	2

Out to Partners

Nearly a third of the trans+ respondents did not answer the question of whether their trans status is known to their partner/s, which could reflect either that they are not partnered or that they found the question confusing or did not wish to answer it. An additional 11 said they had no partner. Of the 101 respondents who indicated they did have one or more partners, the vast majority – 88% -- is “out” to their partner/s. Two individuals – an in-transition FTM and a post-transition MTF – have a single partner who does not know they are trans. Three individuals with multiple partners – all in-transition or no- or low-hormone FTMs – are not out to at least one of their partners. Seven individuals – three genderqueers, two no- or low-hormone FTMs, and one in-transition and one post-transition MTF – marked the category, “my partner has some idea of my gender issues” (see Graph 1).

Gender Congruency

Because we asked the trans+ respondents not only their own gender identity but also how observers perceived them, we were able to analyze how “out” people were based on how they were perceived. We grouped those who were perceived as male and whose internal gender identity was categorized as some variation of FTM as “congruent – masculine.” Likewise, those who were perceived as female and who identified as MTF were grouped as “congruent – female.” Those who were genderqueer, were perceived as female even though they identified in a masculine way, or who experienced inconsistent social perceptions of their gender were all classed as “non-congruent” (see Tables 3a, b, c, next page).

Tables 3a,b,c

These classifications produced very interesting results. MTFs with gender identities congruent with their social gender presentation were significantly more out than FTMs with internal/external gender congruency in every environment (with the exception of school, which pertained to only one MTF).

Those whose gender identity is not consistently congruent with social perception were more spread out in terms of how “out” they were. It is clear to us in retrospect that we did not ask enough appropriate questions of this group to be able to interpret their responses. What, precisely, does it mean to be “out” when you’re visibly genderqueer versus being “out” when you are a pre-transition FTM, for instance?

Environments Where People are Most Out

Where people are most out varies based on whether the person is FTM, MTF, or a SOFFA (see Graphs 3, 4, and 5 on next pages). Both FTMs and MTFs (those who are gender-congruent) are most out to family members, with 81% of the MTFs and 58% of the FTMs “out to everyone” in this category. In contrast, only 30% of the SOFFAs are out to all family members; SOFFAs are most out to friends, with 70% of them “out to all” friends. Friends are the second-most-out category for both MTFs (71% are “out to all”) and FTMs (43%). Overall, MTFs are most out (in descending order) to family, to friends, at work, at social clubs, and to acquaintances. FTMs are most out to family, to friends, at social clubs, at work and to acquaintances. SOFFAs are most out to friends, then at work, to family, and at social clubs (tied), and finally, to acquaintances. (Figures for those out at school are too small to analyze.)

Environments Where People are Most Stealth

Looking at the data in reverse – where people most frequently said they were “out to no one” – gender-congruent FTMs and MTFs again differ (see Graph 4, below). About a quarter of perceived-as-male FTMs are not out to anyone at work. Five percent are not out to any family members, and fewer than two percent are not out to any friends. In contrast, MTFs tend to be most closeted with acquaintances, social clubs, and at work, with approximately 10% of those answering saying they’re out to “no one” in these categories. (The figures for SOFFAs are too small to analyze.)

Influences on Disclosure Decisions

A couple of our respondents felt we should have asked about income, race, and age, as these influence how “out” someone is able to be. This data would have been interesting, but none of the literally hundreds of comments respondents made referenced race or age (with the exception of one American Indian who pointed out that given that his family included more than 100 members, it was difficult to be out to all of them). The comments, did, however, illuminate many other influences on how respondents thought about the issues surrounding disclosure.

Passing Questions

It seems obvious that being able to keep a trans status private is at least partially determined by whether one is perceived as firmly fitting into one binary gender box or the other; for some folks, the fact they are transgender is obvious.

“I can’t tell when I pass or not. I hate binding so I usually don’t but it compromises my outward appearance. I have no partners/lovers because of shame about my body and I don’t want to involve others needlessly in my process. I live in a very small town on an island with a very small queer population, so I’m not out. If I lived in a larger town or a city I would probably be more out.”

"I consider myself very 'out', but that does not mean that I feel the need to tell anyone and everyone. I simply assume that people can read me in most situations. Although this assumption is not really valid, it does relieve me of the need to wonder whether any one person reads me or not."

Genderqueer

Genderqueers are often visibly “trans.” Some genderqueers view their very existence as being “out.” Other genderqueers may see their status as allowing for a staged or partial coming-out approach.

"'I pass like a gallstone'. As a person whose goal is to be visibly genderqueer, I have to be out. The only people I'm not out to, for the most part, are the people who don't see my scraggly beard, notice people using male pronouns about me, etc."

"as a genderqueer it is both easier and harder to be stealth. to some degree my presentation brings up issues of gender in any long term relationship (work, family, friendships etc.) however it is possible for me to be semi- out, which is not true for people who have transitioned. i also have the option of coming out slowly bit by bit as i develop relationships with people."

In addition, the dearth of language to express genderqueerness makes coming out verbally a challenge.

"As a genderqueer who looks and is often perceived as genderqueer or ambiguous or blurry or just plain odd, being out happens on a number of levels, some of them non-verbal, some of them verbal. And then there's the whole question of out as what: as a butch, as a fag, as a queer, as a tranny? All of those identities are true but not complete. Often being out or being stealth are framed as diametrically opposed. I think not. In my life it's much more complex. Some of the complexity is about language. There's more language available to describe myself as butch than there is language to describe myself as some other gender outside the binary but somehow connected to masculinity."

"on the other hand, as i dont have a 'specific' gender identity, it can be harder to come out to trans people. trans people always want to know "what i am". my answer is always so convoluted that sometimes its easier to avoid it all together. also when discussing gender identity with trannies, there are so many implications to every word you say. sometimes I feel like i can be more out with non trannies that with trannies."

Safety Concerns

For many, passing. being read, and being out are safety issues. Many trans+ people are rightfully concerned about hate crimes and violence. Some are concerned about safety with intimate partners. Others don’t wish to be verbally confronted or harassed, or risk losing their job because of the revelation of their trans status.

"It's dangerous to be out in some places."

"I live on the west coast of Canada, in Vancouver, where there's a large trans population & I work in a very large, predominantly straight org but my job is working with the queer community. That makes a huge difference as to how out I am & feel safe to be at work. My workplace also protects staff & clients on the basis of sexual orientation & gender identity, which makes me feel a lot safer to be somewhat out & wear suits / ties to work (while most people percieve me as a butch dyke) but I'd feel a lot better if they did some proactive trans 101 & 201 stuff with all staff, & without it being about me specifically."

"As far as being Out or Stealth, it really depends on the situation and the comfort and/or safety levels. I have no problems and would be Out all the time if I constantly lived in one type of environment. Reality is, I move too much and encounter new people too much to have the comfort of that consistency."

SOFFA Negotiations

For transgender people who are partnered or parenting, the degree to which any one member is out is often a negotiated decision. The decision-making process may include weighing the safety, comfort, social and economic needs and political stances of both/all members of the family.

"While I am out, my wife is still not comfortable with this. She has not told anyone in her family or anyone where she works. When we have things like the annual company picnic, I dress and go as a guy."

"My spouse is not out but is living as a straight male. My coming out thus outs him as well. Our business is geared towards straight tourists so my coming out would also affect our business at a time when tourism really sucks. This means I do not grow the beard out... "

"I would be more out but for my spouse's professional obligations; she has a very high profile position contingent on fundraising."

"As a partner, I am very out. I work at a resource center for youth in my city, and also facilitate a support group for partners of trans identified folks. In my social life, I am also out. When I first moved to the city and realized that there was a community, being out was great, and still is, as I am able to find the support and resources both my partner and I need. Though, as he is headed into starting T[estosterone] very soon, I realize that I would like to be able to provide him more privacy with his own transition at this time.”

Sometimes it’s not a family member who influences the “outness” decision, but some other pivotal SOFFA. One person noted that she was not out at work because her boss prefers that she not be vocal about her trans status. However, the car she drives to work sports a license plate that reads: 2M2FTS.

Time Frames and Stages

Both negotiated and individually determined disclosure decisions often change over time as the trans person or couple moves through the transition process or as circumstances or preferences change.

"My 'outness' is a work in progress since my partner decided to transition this fall as I moved to the opposite coast for a new job after finishing school. …Now I'm working on coming out as an FTMSO to my friends, family, and colleagues. Will be interested to see how out/stealth I will be when my partner is passing 100% of the time."

"I am currently out to all my friends and most of my acquaintances as trans because I'm in early transition, however, I don't plan to stay as out as I am now regarding my trans status. I'm looking forward to the time when a percentage of my acquaintances (especially those folks I just know casually) just view me as your average gay man. I didn't use to feel this way, but hav[ing] been in intermediate space for over two years now, I find the prospect of constantly explaining and re-explaining who I am too daunting to expand the effort for casual acquaintances.”

Respect and Disrespect

Timing is related to the issue of respect. Being “out” for someone who is pre-transition or early in transition may mean telling people what will happen in the future and is not yet visible (i.e., the intent to transition). These individuals may come out in part to gain respectful treatment, by getting people to use appropriate pronouns and names.

On the other hand, someone who is “post” transition may view coming out as an invitation to others to disrespect their gender identity. They are already being treated in the way they wish to be treated (i.e., appropriate pronouns, name, etc.); coming out may mean others begin to confuse pronouns or names and make other assumptions based on this new information.

"Whether people read me or not does not really matter. What DOES matter is how people treat me. I expect to be treated with dignity and respect, and I carry myself accordingly. As a result I seldom encounter even a hint of a problem."

"I prefer to have my identity as a transman on a 'need to know' basis and frankly, in most cases, its none of their business. I'd rather be known as 'that guy' rather than 'that guy... Who's really a girl who's had, like surgery and stuff'."

“I choose not to tell those people who I feel will treat me differently or be stupid about it. For instance, I have a friend who is a lesbian and prides herself on being "queer". She did not know I was trans when I met her, she simply took me as the man I am. Someone else told her I am a transsexual. Ever since this woman found out I am trans, all of a sudden she started occasionally called me ‘she’ to my face. I am not female looking at all. I am six feet tall, I have a deep voice, I am muscular, I have a receeding hairline and facial hair. It's not that she thinks I look like a woman or that I act like a woman or that she senses female energy. It's that she is an idiot about it. Since coming to terms with these types of people, I have learned that to protect myself from them, I have to disclose less often to avoid annoyances like this. I have just learned the HARD WAY that not everyone will respect you once they know you are trans. And I don't like to go through life having to steel myself against the bastards all the time, if I can help it. I have a real job and career, I have to live in the real world, not some insulated gay ghetto, and I have established myself as a man in the world.”

“Trans” as a Temporary Condition

There is more to how people approach the question of being “out” than what has already been enumerated: the practicalities of “passing” and “telling,” other people’s needs, and considerations of safety and respect. How one defines one’s trans/gender status also has a huge impact; certain constructions seem to render the question of being out moot. For instance, many people define being trans as a transitory state through which one passes.

“I transitioned to manhood, not transhood. In all honesty, the only people who need to know about it are my sex partners and my doctor. This is not because I am ashamed, hiding, in the closet or anti-trans. It is not because I think gender roles should be enforced onto everyone. It is because I am a man and that educating everyone as to the complexity of gender and transsexual procedures is a huge pain in the ass. And unless someone wants to get it, they won't.”

"Being stealth to me is an odd term and almost gives me a sense that I am hiding something from some people. It seems that if we come out as male, then once transitioning is complete or the process is primarily done, then we are living as men and what sense is there to return to a previous state where we needed to tell everyone that we are 'trans', if our purpose was to live as our true selves which is male."

"I find the term 'out' to be an interesting word. It assumes that being 'out' denotes trans, that we come out 'trans'. That seems to only apply when considering transition, starting transition. Once one transitions then it seems 'Out' is to be male. Truthfully, I came 'out' as male. The fact I was born in a female body meant that I had to transition to a male body, but I came out as male not trans. Trans is a process to me, not an identity per se."

“To me, being a transsexual is simply not an identity. I am a man. I transitioned to be a man, not a transsexual. I transitioned to be part of society as a man, not a freak.”

Birth Defects and Bodily Faults

Similarly, many trans people view themselves as having a birth defect or hidden disability. Within this construct, being publicly “out” about the shape or size of an intimate body part doesn’t make sense, as that type of information is typically known by only a few intimates.

"How do we talk about people with other kinds of hidden birth defects? Is the person with a defective heart 'closeted' or using 'stealth' because he/she discusses it with only the doctor and his/her best friend? Do we call diabetics who wear a medical tag "out"? How many guys does anyone know who have only one testicle, or a defective penis? Unless it's your brother, probably none. As a society, we don't expect people to divulge every anatomical deviation from the norm that they have -- and we don't think of them as being sly, stealthy, sneaky, living a lie, being devious, etc., either. Some things are still considered to be a person's own business, at least according to Mom and Miss Manners!

"That, of course, means that people with bodily defects also have the right to tell every person in sight, or just a select few -- if they want to. But confessing to one's bodily faults is by no means compulsory or even necessarily expected, thank goodness!“

"So, since TSs also have physical defects having nothing to do with choice or moral perversity, I vote for the more neutral words "disclosed" and "undisclosed" for the divulging of physical faults of any sort, including transsexualism.”

"By the way, I have disclosed my extreme myopia to everyone who drives with me! However, I've only disclosed my TS condition to my doctors, my wife, and two friends. 'Partial disclosure,' you might say."

"I'm out to the extent that diabetics are 'out' or deaf people are 'out.' I'm out if it comes up and not if it doesn't. Trans is an identity for me because I don't get a choice: I don't get to be both trans and non-trans identified at the same time. I want a 'don't care' category. I'm 5' 3" but I don't 'identify' as short; I just am.”

“Since when did the information about my genitalia become something that people have a right to know about? Since when did we all start talking about the size and shape of our genitals? Are people who don't discuss their genitals with everyone single person in their life 'hiding'? Or are they having a measure of privacy about the most intimate part of their body?“

"To me, transsexualism, despite all the hype, etc., is nothing more or less than a physical birth defect. As such, we should be given the same sort of medical attention that persons with any other physical defect receive -- even though most doctors don't, as a rule, see it that way yet.”

Political Considerations

In a world where the existence of transgender people threatens many widely-accepted social norms, declaring oneself to be transgender or a SOFFA has political as well as social ramifications. Some individuals do not particularly want to threaten those social norms; others do.

"These terms seem to apply most easily to people whose identity is trans or more genderqueer, to those who feel their community is the queer community, and not to the population of persons who see themselves living within the gender they feel best identifies their true self."

"Being 'out' is not such a big deal for me personally since I always identified as 'male' my entire life. For me it's important to be honest about who I am and I'm well aware that I'm not a bio-man. When I share this with people it's always a great opportunity to educate them on trans-issues and the existence of trans-folks."

“It can get frustrating always being out, feeling like a token to some, hated by others, and embraced by few. I would like to just live normally, I would like our relationship to be seen as normal. But as my boyfriend said 'We are a minority in a minority. A femme dating a trans boy, and actually liking it. Now that's a whole new kind of radical revolution.'"

Trans Community Contexts

How the trans community itself discusses issues of disclosure had an impact both on how people reacted to the wording of the survey and how they thought about their personal disclosure status.

"If it was identity politics, then 'stealth' and 'out' would make sense, because if you're going to participate in identity politics, you're supposed to be giving your power to the group, right??? So of course it would be undesirable for a person to be 'closeted', we have to do ego trips on them and tell them they're just afraid to be loud like the other sects of the faithful (in democracy) liberal-humanist mob that says that the greatest number must be 'right'--and what is this 'right', anyway?...“

“I do not agree with the belief that some trans "activists" have - that you have to disclose to be active, educating or caring about other transsexuals. That disclosing is the only way to equal rights and education for transsexuals. We can all play a part in that cause. In fact, I think that the transsexuals who disclose in only a few choice instances are the ones who educate others about the true meaning of all of this.”

Individual Histories

Finally, we cannot forget that individuals make personal decisions based on their own very particular histories and beliefs about themselves.

"It is always a question in my mind who to come out to. I realize that I don't get close to people because I will have to come out to them because it doesn't seem natural for me not to. Even at the gym I isolate so I don't get close to people. I try not to form relationships in those situations. I do have many friendships and a great support system but I think it odd that I should pull back on purpose. It seems unnatural to work at being detached rather than to work at forming bonds. I have watched people take the other approach and they come out once a week to somebody. I'm just not that strong but I wonder if the effects are healthier all the way around for ourselves, our communities and our relationships."

"One day we were talking about kids and she asked, 'Did that happen when you were pregnant?' To answer the question I told her I was the father not the mother of the child. I am easily passable as a female but I have chosen not to hide may past. …I have chosen not to get into a new closet labeled stealth where I always have to fear someone discovering my past. I like being all of me. I do not feel like trading a closet named denial for a closet named stealth."

“Because of mitigating factors, I live 2 separate active lifestyles at present...with 2 separate living addresses... I am at present slowly integrating my TG friends into my other life and only where necessary have introduced my traditional friends to my TG lifestyle.”

"One workmate has been incredibly disrespectful, verging on nasty, which has been my first experience of transphobia. Initially I felt intimidated and defensive, but in standing up to her I have affirmed my right to my identity. I feel like a young Jedi, learning the ways of the warrior."

"Although I respect the right of some people to be stealth, I feel that it is my duty as a leader, shaman, and role model to be as out as I can be at all times that it is practical. Every person that I am out to is one more person whose life I have changed. This is a sacred duty to me. I could no more be stealth than I could lie to everyone in my life. My partner is also a post-transition transsexual, and between the two of us we've done more front-line educating than you can imagine."

In the End

We want to thank everyone who answered the survey, and particularly those who took the time to comment on your answers or the survey itself. We knew going into this issue that being out wasn’t a simple yes-or-no proposition. But we had no idea just how complex and rich a question it really was. We thank all of you for helping to make that very important point clear.

Survey Quotes

"I also feel like I could never (again, in the harsh reality of things) say I’m a 'man' because I didn’t have that background of growing up under the influence of testosterone and in the culture of maleness or masculinity as it would typically be defined."

"Out or stealth covers many issues beyond gender, such as disability and race. Do I tell people about my mental disability (narcolepsy) or only about my mobility impairment? Will I experience different stigma or responses based on what I disclose?"

"The only place where I am concerned about being out is gay male space."

"I am not out at work at all. I do like this time. It gives me a chance to settle into my gender. It's a great study about myself and others. It's just so odd to sit between a lesbian and a gay man and to feel the queerest of the queer but to be treated straight. Very odd indeed."

	Connectivity volume 7, issue 01
	Survey Results