Making Our Bodies Our Own

There are several viable ways of administering testosterone and getting it flowing into your body. Obviously, discussing the options with your physician is one of the best ways to find a method that is best for you, your body, your health, and your emotional comfort.

The most common methods of delivery are intramuscular injection, transdermal patch, and androgel. There is some controversy among both physicians and FTMs(+) as to which is most effective for masculinization, and which method has what particular types of side effects long and short term. By far, the most common route FTMs+ typically take is that of injecting testosterone. However, MANY are uncomfortable with needles and the mere thought of self-injecting can send some into full blown panic attacks!

FORGE produced a relatively in depth handout on needle phobia and anxiety called "Just a Prick: Dealing with Needle-Anxiety"

"Dealing with Needle Anxiety" takes a comprehensive look at this pervasive issue. It covers alternatives to injectable testosterone, alternatives to self-injection, an in-depth discussion of how to address the anxiety itself, and a descriptive list of techniques, tools and suggestions. This handout is availble for free download at:

http://www.forge-forward.org/handouts/Needle-anxiety.pdf

[Readers may also be interested in the "how to inject" handout, which has proven to be a great guide for many self-injectors to learn, remember, and remind themselves of proper injection technique. This handout can be found online at: http://www.forge-forward/org/handouts/injection.pdf]

Several people noted that there is a difference between what *we* think of ourselves and what *others* think of us. For example, some of us may only need to know what and how we view our own gender, and/or do the things necessary for us to feel comfortable within our own skin (be it through emotional acceptance, clothing, hormones, surgery, disclosure, etc.). For others, it's important for the world (others) to acknowledge us in ways that are congruent with our self/gender identity. There was some discussion about this difference in locus of control and what implications it had for the individual choices that are made about how to live and present and experience one's gender.

 

Related to one's self-perception and desire for others to see the trans person as the gender they feel is most accurate, passing is often a central component in validating gender identity.

Oftentimes, passing is largely due to "gender cuing" - where others will perceive someone's gender based on some significant, but often simple, gender cues. In American culture, things like facial hair and baldness tend to cue others to perceive a person as male. Characteristics like smooth skin or make up or high vocal pitch, tend to cue people to perceiving a person as female. There are hundreds of attributes which cue others to assign gender. Often, it only takes ONE or TWO gender cues to fairly consistently be read as the gender one wishes to be seen as.

There are many FTM passing tips online, but the most popular can be found at
http://www.geocities.com/ftmpass/passing.html

Like point number 2 above, some people choose to identify as a "man" if/after they medically, legally, and/or socially transition from female to male. (Likewise some partners and family members may consider their trans loved one a man before/during/after transition.) There are others, though, who wish to retain a "trans" or "ftm" identity (and some wish to retain other identities as well, such as that of "daughter", "sister", "mother", "dyke", or others that many people would consider "female" identities). Obviously, how one identifies is a largely personal choice. Sometimes the various people in a SOFFA circle (the trans person and the people surrounding them) may have different "takes" on the "man" vs. "FTM" classification (of the trans person). For example, some family members may now see the the person who transitioned as a man, and only as a man, preferring to erase parts of the past and/or focusing solely on the maleness of the person who is present now. However, another family member may maintain a more historical perspective, and always consider the person to be transgender or FTM - even though they *treat* the trans person like a man, or however the trans person wishes to be treated.

Many trans+ people have very strong feelings or leanings as to how they identify before/during/after transition (if they are transitioning). For some, maintaining a link to their transness or their otherly-gendered-past is highly significant, while for others, they view themselves as no longer trans, but now fully as a man or woman. Our opinions, of course, may change over time.

The world-view of how we class our gender may influence how we wish to present in the world, how self-conscious we are about passing (or not), and many other variables.

One of the more interesting discussions of the evening evolved from one person's suggestion that there are many circles that make up life. Hir feeling was that in order to "succeed" in the world, we must figure out which circle we want to belong in, and take on the characteristics of that circle. One example of this was if a person wanted a $50,000/year job, they would need to dress and act the "part" and not, for example, show up for job interviews in sweatpants and a t-shirt. This discussion ended up moving into where and how "gender" circles fit into our lives, if and how some of us have conformed to those circles, and how some of us chose to not adhere to the "rules" of one particular circle.

For example, the passing tips presented as a resource in #3 -- by pointing out the broad strokes of stereotypical masculinity that often help people pass more successfully -- are sometimes charged with seeking to strip individuals of their uniqueness. One of the suggestions made at the meeting relating to people passing better was that FTMs pass better if they wear white t-shirts and large-sized, button-down men's shirts. While this might be true and MIGHT help some FTMs pass more successfully, it also may mean that they are not fully expressing themselves in the ways that feel most comfortable to them.

The discussion also moved to how some of us refuse to fit into pre-designed boxes (or circles), opting to pick and choose characteristics from many circles and/or forging our own territory and creating our own unique space/circle within which to live.