Emergence and Disclosure

Our last FORGE social support meeting was on May 3, 2003 - focusing on Emergence and Disclosure. Thank you to the 15 people who attended this meeting! We are thrilled that so many people participated!

As promised, the co-facilitators - Loree Cook-Daniels and michael munson - will send out a resource email following each meeting. As we all know, many issues can come up at each meeting, and often no one can produce on the spot all the resources that we know are available on a particular issue. We will therefore try to collect resources for the follow-up email, which we hope will be helpful to those who did not attend the meeting as well as those who did.

The following list of resources/information is VERY brief and not at all
inclusive of many valuable resources. If you know of specific resources related to these topics, please email FORGE (info@forge-forward.org) and we will distribute that information so that others may benefit.

Social support groups are always changing - new people entering, "old-timers" sometimes departing. As facilitators, we are aware that not everyone has had the experience of being in a social support group and that some members may feel nervous, uncomfortable, excited, filled with unanswered questions, and sometimes bursting with information that they just have to share!

We wish to create an environment within which everyone can feel as comfortable as possible and where everyone can contribute if they choose.

We ask that individuals come with open minds and hearts, and be aware of a few guidelines that will help ensure that all participants can benefit from the meeting.

Please see www.forge-forward.org/socialsupport/docs/conductcode.html for
FORGE's social support group Code of Conduct.

[Please note that this is *not* legal advice.]

In the state of Wisconsin - as is true for many other states - you can change your name without going through the court system and paying $300+. While a court ordered name change MAY be easier and MAY be less frequently questioned, a common law name change is often executed and is typically just as effective.

A common law name change is basically adopting and using a new name consistently over time. A state's primary concern in evaluating a name-change request is that the person not be attempting to commit fraud and/or keeping creditors or others from locating them. Most individuals draft a letter stating their place of birth, their name given at birth, the reason they are changing their name, and that they are not, in any way, defrauding or avoiding any debts by changing their name. Often this letter is then notarized and can be used to change names on bank accounts, DMV records, credit cards, utilities, and most other places where a paperwork name change is necessary/desired.

A very useful resource is Gary Bowen's Common Law Name Changes for Transsexuals that can be found at http://www.amboyz.org/articles/commonlaw.html

For sample declaration of name change via common law, go to www.forge-forward.org/socialsupport/docs/commonlaw-sample.html

Many key issues were addressed at the meeting:
· Maintaining a positive outlook
· Thinking through the options and presenting a clearly laid out plan to an employer
· Providing employers with resources
· Possibly bringing in an "expert" who can help address some of the employer's questions and concerns.

Two websites offer many links and useful information:

a. Transgender Employment (many highly useful links) http://www.gendersanity.com/resources.shtml

b. Transgender at Work http://www.tgender.net/taw/

The following two books are very useful resources outlining strategies and key concepts and can be obtained through Amazon.com or, better yet (if you are in the Milwaukee area), from Milwaukee's queer bookstore, Outwords, 2710 N. Murray Street, 414-963-9089.

a.
Transsexual Workers: An Employer's Guide
by Janis Walworth
Publisher: Center for Gender Sanity; (August 1, 1998)
ISBN: 0966548809
This book is designed for employers, managers, human resources personnel, implementers of employee assistance programs, and others in a position to make workplace decisions about how to handle a transsexual employee's transition from one sex to the other. The book includes basic information about transsexualism,
an explanation of the transition process, illustrative personal histories, information on relevant civil rights and disability laws, tips for managing difficult situations, and a glossary. There are suggestions for dealing with coworkers' concerns, uncomfortable clients, the general public, and the media. Common workplace issues, such as pronoun usage, dress codes, restroom use, employee transfers, and health insurance, are addressed. A wider concept of transgender is also introduced as it pertains to crossdressers, transgenderists, intersex people, post-transition transsexuals, and others. A resource section lists helpful national and regional organizations, books, magazines, and videos.
(Amazon: http://ez2find.com/go.php3?site=book&go=0966548809)

b.
Medical, Legal and Workplace Issues For The Transsexual
by Sheila Kirk
Publisher: Together Lifeworks; 1st edition (December 31, 1995)
ISBN: 1887796002
Medical, Legal and Workplace Issues for the MTF & FTM Transsexual supplies comprehensive and accurate information addressing the medical, legal and workplace issues encountered through every phase of the sometimes challenging transition process. From the "real-life test", to surgical, medical and legal concerns, to the start of life "thereafter", this book provides the necessary tools and information to make transitioning proceed smoothly and successfully. A "must-read" for male to female and female to male transsexuals
beginning or currently engaged in the transition process.
(Amazon: http://ez2find.com/go.php3?site=book&go=0966548809)

Every family is different and every coming out process is also different. Some people choose to come out to one member of their family at a time, while others send out mass emails to everyone in their family. Some prefer face-to-face, while others use email or snailmail or phone. Everyone chooses to reveal different amounts of information at different rates (and sometimes people choose to be very selective about what they discuss).

Lisa Lee's website houses well over a dozen people's coming out letters. This site has been valuable to many people to get a feel for how others have come out to family, friends, co-workers, and others.
http://www.lisalees.com/trans/out/

Other useful websites/organizations include:

COLAGE http://www.colage.org/
COLAGE is the only national and international organization in the world specifically supporting young people with gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender parents. COLAGE hosts many email support lists for children of LGBTs, as well as provides other resources and support for kids of LGBTs.

PFLAG http://www.pflag.org/
Since 1998 PFLAG has included transgender people, their families and friends in its mission of support, education and advocacy. They work for the health, well-being and equal civil rights of all GLBT people.
Their trans-specific website is http://www.youth-guard.org/pflag-t-net/

An essential book for all SOFFAs of trans people is Mary Boenke's Trans Forming Families. You can also purchase this book directly from Amazon.com.

Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones, 2nd Edition
by Mary Boenke (Editor)
Paperback: 192 pages
Publisher: Oak Knoll Press; (February 1, 2003)
ISBN: 0615123074
(Amazon: http://ez2find.com/go.php3?site=book&go=0966548809)

We briefly addressed healthcare and some of the issues that can arise from emergency or routine interactions with healthcare professionals and in healthcare settings. Much of the discussion was more theoretical than practical - focusing on issues of whose job it is to educate providers, etc.

As promised at the meeting, the following link will take you to a sample introductory letter to a new physician. It is intended only as a template and something that may stimulate ideas as to what tack you may wish to choose when scheduled to see a new physician for the first time.
www.forge-forward.org/socialsupport/docs/physician-intro-letter.html

 

FORGE's nationally distributed newsletter/magazine, Connectivity, addressed the topic of Stealth vs. Out in Volume 7, Issue 1. There are many interesting articles, interviews and in depth survey results explored in this issue. You can read it (or download it) on the web at:
http://www.forge-forward.org/newsletters/v07i01/index.htm