GenderQueer

"You don't have a pronoun for me yet."
--Holly Boswell -- American Transgender activist and author

Historically, the word "queer" referred to something or someone who was "odd" or "weird" or perhaps just something peculiar or unexplainable. Over time, "queer" became a derogatory word used to refer to gay men and lesbians. As with other potentially destructive epithets, gay men, lesbians (and later bisexuals and some transgender people and others) started using "queer" as a term of empowerment, reclaiming it and using it positively, not negatively.

As our non-conforming gender community has morphed, evolved and enlarged, more and more identities and ways to "do gender" have emerged. Radical faeries, for example, have chosen to break gender norms and stereotypes while continuing to maintain their primary existence as men -- as gay men. Straight, bi and lesbian women have adopted business suits and/or wear traditional men's ties. Straight men (and others) are discovering that wearing pink is sexy and progressive, as is wearing kilts. Young people -- of all genders -- have chosen to wear "bell bottom" pants so wide that they look like floor length skirts; wear necklaces, bracelets and body jewelry; and have hair shaved bald or shoulder length or any way they wish.

Gender morphing, merging and re-aligning have become common in day to day society. It is no wonder that some have chosen to name their gender something other than male, female, transgender.. .. .. Genderqueers, genderfuckers, genderbenders have announced their in-adherence to binary gender expectations.

Language, though, being so powerful, can create either acceptance or stigmatization. The emergence of new concepts and new language can be both exciting and threatening.

How do some people define genderqueer? Fact-index.com says:

"A genderqueer is part of a group of people who reject heteronormativity, the traditional two-gender system. There are different modes of being genderqueer , and it is an evolving concept. Some believe they are a little of both or feel they have no gender at all. Others believe that gender is a social construct, and choose not to adhere to that construct. Some genderqueers do fit into the stereotypical gender roles expected of their sex, but still reject gender as a social construct. Still other people identify as genderqueer since, though they are cisgendered [ a neologism meaning "not transgender"] , they do not fit many of society's expecations for the gender in which they identify.

"Some genderqueers prefer that one use gender-neutral pronouns to refer to them, such as "sie" and "hir" or singular "they" instead of her/his, and some prefer the use of only their name and no pronouns at all."

What is your relationship to the word queer? To genderqueer? What is your reaction to seeing someone on the street who has intentionally "fucked" with their gender?

"I reserve my right to be complex."
--Leslie Feinberg -- American Transgender activist and author (1947-)

Are genderqueers making a racidal social "statement"? Is there a political function in being gender radical? Or does this "queering" of gender discredit "gender-normative" and binarily-oriented transsexuals? Is genderqueer "simply" rebellious -- rebelling against everything and everyone in any way possible?

Some believe claiming a genderqueer identity is giving self-permission to act out, to not commit to being responsible, and/or being able to rudely react to those who think they should dress, act, or be more gender-traditional This may be true for some.

However, many genderqueers are responsible and respectful people who don't fit neatly into any of the other limiting boxes -- including transgender or transsexual. It can be an intentional, well-thought-out choice to not conform, to not live in a way that is not congruent for them.

Questions may arise about the ability to live "successfully" in a gender/gender expression that is not "recognized" in society. Issues of employment and housing equality may be affected by non-traditional gender presentation(s). In an ideal world, discrimination wouldn't influence personal expression. We do live in a world that judges based on conformity and denies equal opportunities based on appearance.

While androgyny, genderblending, bisexuality, two-spirited identities and "slow" transitions from "one gender" to another are not the same as being genderqueer, there can be some overlap in experience and expression.

At the meeting, we briefly discussed the social/inter-community assessments of when a transgender person transitions over a long period of time. The judgments are often similar to beliefs about bisexuals -- namely, that they don't know what they really want or can't make up their mind.

There are SO MANY ways to be gendered (and to sexually orient). No one way is "better" than another. However, many people within the trans community, in larger society, and within the medical community, have determined what is "normal" and "acceptable" in terms of gender identity, sexual orientation, appropriate length of time to transition, etc. Although guidelines like those created by Harry Benjamin or the Thomas Waddell Clinic were originally designed to "protect" trans people (and the medical providers) and to outline a step-by-step process of HOW and WHEN to transition, these externally defined "rules" don't easily allow for individual expression and unique personal timelines. [Harry Benjamin Standards of Care are disputed by some for many other reasons, just as they are strongly upheld by/for others.]

What happens when we let others dictate our life course? When we let others determine how we are supposed to dress or act? Do we let others dictate what sexual orientation we need to end up post-transition? Do we let others decide that we must use hormones before surgery? Do others try to force us into only one of two gender choices? Do they demand that our choices and identities are permanent and immutable?

"Already given discourses might elide the specificities of those with firm locations within already given categories but not to the same degree that they elide the specificities of those of us who are dislocated from such categories. Those of us who live in border zones constituted by the overlapping margins of categories do so not in order to engage in high-spirited celebration or revelry. We do so because our embodiments and our subjectivities are abjected from social ontology: we cannot fit ourselves into extant categories without denying, eliding, erasing, or otherwise abjecting personally significant aspects of ourselves. The price of committing such violence against ourselves is too great, though our only other option is also very costly. When we choose to live with and in our dislocatedness, fractured from social ontology, we choose to forgo intelligibility: lost in language and in social life, we become virtually unintelligible, even to ourselves."
--C. Jacob Hale, "Consuming the Living, Dis(Re)Membering the Dead in the Butch/FTM Borderlands," GLQ, vol. 4, no. 2, 1998. p. 336. (Article on pages 311-348.)

Many medical providers are uncertain (and sometimes unwilling) how to treat a transgender person. They may feel they don't know enough to prescribe hormones at the "right" dose and/or have concerns about short and long term health effects. Of the physicians that are interested and willing to treat (prescribe hormones, in this case), most are "traditionalists" -- believing that e.g. 200mg/ml of injectable testosterone every 2 weeks is the "right" dose. They determine what special legal release forms they may require their trans patients to sign before treatment. They may have a predetermined schedule of blood tests and expected results -- rather than running tests when a need arises. They may terminate hormone therapy if a patient does not continue in psychotherapy. Basically, many physicians have a plan, which they may slightly modify for individual differences, but they don't deviate far from this plan.

[There is a solid general article on FTM hormones, written by a physician, targeted for other physicians. This article was written from Wisconsin-based physician Kathleen Oriel in the Journal of Gay and Lesbian Medical Association, in 2000. You can find the article, entitled, Medical Care of Transsexual Patients at http://php.ucsf.edu/PatientEd/MedicalCareofTransexualpts.pdf]

What do physicians do when a person comes in and states they want to start on a low dose of hormones (and stay at a low dose)? Or when they specify that they want to use patches rather than injections? Or they report that their body overall feels better on higher doses of hormones?

These and other questions/requests can be difficult for physicians. The line between where physicians vs. where the consumer knows best might be quite blurred. Physicians may feel an obligation to "do no harm" -- thus assessing (assuming?) that low or high dose hormones may create harm or illness. The reality is, though, that LITTLE is known about "cross gender" hormone use -- and even less about "variations" from what has grown to be commonly accepted as the norm.

Some trans people may question the equality in proactive and personally tailored healthcare options for trans people vs. options that are available to others. For example, a 30 year old post-hysterectomy woman is often given the choice about hormone replacement. She could opt for no hormones at all, or predominantly estrogen-based replacement or a blend of estrogen-progesterone-testosterone. Obviously, some physicians may have a clear bias, but frequently the woman is presented with options from which she can choose.

Fortunately, some physicians who work with trans clients are becoming more open to the wide range of possibilities they can present to their clients. Likewise, many physicians are recognizing that their clients have the potential to educate them and that the trans person's anecdotal experience may be more accurate than the limited medical literature!

As touched upon earlier, is there a "function" or "role" of genderqueer ideology or expression? Within larger society or within the LGBT community? Within the trans community?

Some questions of "pushing the boundaries" of living outside the binary, challenges others to examine their gender, their gender role assumptions. Some wonder if the "angry defiance" of some genderqueers/gender radicals further isolates all trans people, stigmatizing us all. Some propose genderqueers remind us all about fluidity -- of gender and more.

There is no evidence that once on hormones a person must remain using the same dose of hormones forever.

There are a growing number of people who are using hormones as a means to an end, or using hormones in ways that folks 10 years ago would have questioned. Some people are using hormones for a short time solely for the purpose of lowering their voice. Some use hormones for a few years to stimulate facial and body hair growth. After achieving their goal, they stop using hormones.

Some people question why they should continue using a drug when they already achieved what they wanted. They don't want to continue when there is no apparent benefit and there may be an increased risk of side effects that may only cause harm (e.g. increased changes to liver function, cardiovascular disease). For similar (and other) reasons, some are choosing low doses of hormones -- to slowly and gradually make changes, to try to minimize negative health effects, to hope that head hair will stay full and thick, and many other reasons.

There has been no research on the overall health effects of either long term moderate-to-high doses of testosterone or living on low or no testosterone (and no estrogen/progesterone) in FTMs.

It is possible that having no free floating hormones in a body may lead to weaker and less dense bones, may change cardiovascular risks, may reduce libido, may change skin elasticity, and other body system changes. No one really knows. Physicians want to err on the side of caution and help their clients maintain the best health possible.

Unfortunately, though, some medical providers (including mental health providers) conflate chemical realities with emotional congruity. Some trans+ people may only need/want to be on hormones a short while before they feel at peace with their bodies and with their lives. The degree to which medicine plays a role in trans peoples' lives is as diverse as the number of trans people! Wanting to use low dose hormones or to quit hormones altogether often has nothing to do with having doubts or uncertainties -- which many providers assume is the case.

Female Masculinity
by Judith Halberstam
Duke University Press; (October 1, 1998)
ISBN: 0822322439

Battle Scars

by Michael Alexander

I want scars.
I want to give someone who spent too long at school
Seven thousand dollars to cut me open,
Take out the tissue I don't want,
Sculp my chest into something I can bear to look at,
And lay train tracks of sutures
From armpit to breastbone,
Hopefully symmetrical.
And when the drains are gone
And the stitches dissolved or removed.
And I go swimming for the first time in nearly ten
years
And go out to get the paper in the morning without a
shirt on and not give a damn who sees,
I want those lines on my chest.
I want everyone to see
That I am NOT like the others
I am NOT just another guy
I am a Transboy
I am genderqueer
And I did NOT have this chest reconstructed
So I could fit in.
I want chest reconstruction
So I can fit into myself.
If that means male priviledge that I never asked for,
Then so be it,
And I will use that male priviledge to the best of my
ability
To undermine itself and its source
And make people listen for once.
And when I wear short sleeves
You can see a patch on my arm that ain't nicotine.
Patch over gel over injection, because it is visible.
Look at me, my body don't produce testosterone,
I wear it on my arm.
I will not be invisible,
I will not compromise my identity
My complexity
So that you can call me a man and think you get it
When really you don't have a clue
I am Transgender
And when I am post-op
And I remove my shirt
I will show my scars proudly.
They are the scars of everyone
Who has felt invisible or misunderstood,
Everyone who has fought and is fighting,
With their hairstyles and clothes, mascara that
thickens eyelashes or turns peach fuzz into a goatee,
Everyone who has a million scars that lie unseen.
I share those scars beneath the surface
And when I scrape together seven thousand dollars
Just to give it away,
I will bear my people's scars
And I will NOT forget
And I will NOT take for granted
And my scars will remind the world that we are NOT all
the same.