A little hot under the collar? Have sweat rolling down your back? Ever
wonder if adding testosterone to your body might increase the already
sweat-soaked underarms of your T-shirt?
Many FTMs+ who use testosterone experience an increase in body temperature
and/or sweating. Testosterone can result in changes in the skin, stimulating
the activation of oil and sweat glands. As a result, acne can occur/increase,
and so can sweating. Many also find that their body and body fluids
(including sweat) change odor - usually from "sweet" or "musky"
to more "tangy" or "metallic".
Some individuals note that they need to change the type, amount, or
frequency of deodorant/antiperspirant application due to the fact that
their perspiration is more pronounced and often more pungent. The shift
from deodorant-only products to ones that contain anti-perspirants are
frequently necessary to help reduce the amount of sweat!
For those who wish to not use traditional deodorants containing chemicals,
natural "Rock" deodorants work well for many as a healthier
alternative. Companies like "Kiss my Face" produce "Liquid
Rock" deodorants that are either unscented or come with a variety
of essential oils (lavendar, patchouli, etc) added as a "perfume".
Many natural foods or alternative medicine stores carry Kiss My Face
products.
Questions always arise about what changes will or won't happen when
someone starts on testosterone. Of course, while we can identify some
trends in what happens in a large percentage of people, everyone's responses
to the introduction of hormones/social transition/support-around-trans-issues
is different.
Three issues emerged at the August meeting. We will cover sexual orientation
and sexuality issues more at other meetings (and of course, in follow-up
resources) in greater depth later.
a. Sexual orientation
Sexual orientation can get QUITE confusing VERY quickly when you add
in fluid or changing gender! Trans+ people and partners may be very
uncertain of what their sexual orientation is - or what it might be
tomorrow. As one or both people's gender shifts in expression or identity,
it may directly influence what those people or others will perceive
their sexual orientation to be.
There CAN be mammoth differences between sexual orientation identity
and what a person or couple is PERCEIVED to be. Many couples/triads/poly
relationships (in which there is a trans+ person) often have "mixed-orientation"
relationships, where one person may identify as a "lesbian"
and the other person as "straight", or where one identifies
as a "gay male" and the female partner as "queer".
There can be a wide range of orientational mixes. While this is a positive
social construct - expanding the possibilities of loving and relating
- it can often create a sense of confusion and possibly invalidation
for people who are not yet fully clear on how they identify or how they
wish to be perceived.
b. Sexuality
Trans+ people and/or partners are usually either excited or nervous
(or both!) at the potential sexual changes that may occur when someone
starts on testosterone. Libido changes are usually at the heart of those
feelings. While some people are thrilled to have increased libidos (for
themselves or their partner/s), many fear that it will interfere with
their lives/partnerships/productivity in other areas.
Libido changes are often attributed solely to testosterone administration,
but it might not be the only factor. Typically when a person reaches
the point of starting testosterone, s/he (and often hir support network)
have come to a level of body and gender acceptance that has permeated
their reality. This increased body/sexuality comfort can dramatically
increase sexual desire or behavior.
Other than libidinal increases, another common question is about the
potential shift from "stone" to "touchable". Some
trans+ people find little enjoyment in being touched when they are housed
in a body/physical-gender-presentation that they are not comfortable
in. Through social gender presentation changes, testosterone, surgery,
or the "mere" identification as more male/masculine, many
FTMs+ find receptive sexuality more appealing and desireable.
As with all sexual relationships, communication is a key component
for creating a comfortable sexual experience for both/all participants.
Some body parts may be off limits (or off limits SOME of the time and
not other times). Negotiating sexual expression and behaviors can be
tricky, but oftentimes well worth the risk and temporary emotional discomfort
of broaching challenging subjects.
Sexual responsiveness and responses will likely change with the introduction
of testosterone. Sexual desires, in terms of what is appealing and what
isn't, may also change. Places that used to be off limits may be more
acceptable, while other parts may move into the "no touch zone".
If partnered, couples/traids/poly-relationships need to check in regularly
with each other to find out what might feel good *today*. This, of course,
is important for all sexually active people, not just those who are
trans+!
For more discussion on "stone" butches/trans people and partners,
check out Leslie Feinberg's fictional novel, _Stone Butch Blues_ or
Minnie Bruce Pratt's series of essays (many of which are sexually oriented)
in _S/He_.
c. "I don't want to become an asshole"
August FORGE attendees briefly discussed the fears that many people
hold about becoming a stereotypical "asshole" when starting
on testosterone. This thought (pattern) is common among FTMs+, gender-questioning
folks, partners, parents, children, and friends alike. This "fear"
has delayed or reversed the plans of some individuals' transitions.
Sadly, most people can easily understand the concepts behind the statement
of not wanting to become an "asshole". They have already associated
masculinity/maleness/being a man/testosterone with being an "asshole".
It's interesting that our culture has many strong relationships between
gender and behavioral/emotional characteristics.
We also don't typically associate the reinforcement of these belief-sets
(that men are assholes) with being prejudiced or disrespectful or, even,
stereotyping classes of behaviors. Isn't it discriminatory and prejudicial
to hold the belief that one gender somehow embodies more of a particular
trait than another gender? Doesn't this depersonalize and dehumanize
us all, when we claim (even if it's only a "fear") that "men
are x-way" and "women are y-way"?
For those who come from a feminist background, it is easily understood
that some men in history (and in the present day) can and do abuse the
power they have been given or that they have taken. We can culturally
understand patriarchal thought and behavior, but aren't we perpetuating
it by reinforcing the belief that men are somehow inherently assholes?
Emotional and behavioral attributes have more to do with the PEOPLE
we are than the GENDER we are. Some people are loving and kind. Some
people are jerks. Some people are gentle. Some people are aggressive.
Some people like pizza. Others like broccoli. Some people are quiet
and shy. Others are outgoing and vocal.
Most people's personalities don't dramatically change when adding testosterone
(or estrogen). They may be treated differently or EXPECTED to behave
(or think or emote) differently, but that doesn't necessarily indicate
that there is a core level of personality/emotional change internally.
Some things to consider when thinking about transition (and for all
of us, regardless of our desire transition or not):
~ What kind of person do I want to be? What do I need to do to actualize
and become that person?
~ Do I believe certain qualities are "male" or "female"?
How did I come to those beliefs? Are they "true"? Do I want
to perpetuate those beliefs?
~ I create my own reality. What reality am I creating? Is it in alignment
with my values and beliefs?
~ I am what I think. Do my thoughts pass my values/moral/belief litmus
test(s)?
~ I see what I'm looking for. I see what I expect to see. Am I looking
to see stereotypes (e.g. "men are assholes")? Or can I open
my eyes and see the world as it is, without expectations?
We briefly touched upon issues of depression and suicide at the August
meeting. Our next meeting, on September 6, 2003 will address these issues
in much greater detail.
One key element of our discussion was the use of crisis plans or lists
of expected action for when people are feeling extremely depressed and/or
suicidal. Participants offered several different kinds of "lists"
that serve roughly the same purpose.
Some people create an "SOP" - a "Standard Operating
Procedure" list to use when they are feeling extremely depressed.
When those feelings start, they refer to the list they've created that
contains things that are either comforting and/or will keep them safe
and less likely to harm themselves. For some people, this may include
calling a friend, taking a long walk, going to the grocery store, going
to a bookstore, sitting in a particular chair and reading a book, taking
a hot bath, writing in a journal, drinking soothing hot tea, etc.
A variation on the crisis-plan-oriented-SOP list is to create a "happy
list". This list can serve as a reminder of the things that make
you happy! By simply looking at the list, it may help to remind you
of happier times, and/or that you may want to try doing one of the things
on that list to help shift your mood. For example, the list could include:
eating ice cream, watching children play at a playground, going to a
park and watching the squirels chase each other, seeing funny movies,
etc.
For those interested in the topics of depression, mental health, and
suicide, please attend the September 6 meeting if you are near the Milwaukee
WI area. We will post another resource list following the meeting for
those who are unable to attend.
